The Wrestling Season Part 3

[5/26/2002 5:45:04 PM..............
Yesterday, what I could wrench from Figueira was that he was going to try to act more and more like a gentleman and not to talk during his matches anymore.
"You won't want me to have a hankie too, will you?", he said smiling.
I'm on the Internet now. Writing about these things. Thinking of Figueira and how strange he can be. The call to fight, as described, funny how it would stick to my memory. I lend the event an almost epic dimension; it doesn't matter whether it's real or not, what matters it is fascinating; something, however, I must keep to myself, because whatever is against the rules of wrestling I'll have to help the kids cut out. It's not saying what they must do or how they must behave on the mat. What it boils down to is that I need to help them see the reason why they've chosen this sport. And being it what they really want, they'll have to reinforce their commitment with it more and more. This is the least they can do for a sport they like so much. Once this is granted, all else follows.


[5/27/2002 6:54:55 AM..............
"Did you talk to him?", queried Coach Rodrigo when the pratice was over.
We were at the gate of Corporal. Watching the cars in motion along Conselheiro Nébias Avenue and talking. I told him about the talk with the kid. He heard me with attention. He said he had no clear idea what Figueira said during the matches, until he asked Galhardo some time ago. He put the words together with things and events he had seen at tournaments and meets and got the picture. He has had a strange impression from Figueira since then, that the kid was really different, though he still couldn't say how.
"But I must say something in favour of Figueira. He is combative. Very combative. As the other kids here he doesn't surrender to anti-fight, never gives up the fight, never simulates techniques, has never had passivity down in his records."
"Yes, he seems to be a very authentic person."
"Yes, a bit too much sometimes", sighed Coach Rodrigo.
He seemed to want to tell me something. I felt he hesitated to speak. I had an interrogative expression on my face. Ele stared at me, undecided.
"You want to say something, don't you, Rodrigo? It's not difficult to see. What is going on?"
"Figueira... He is one of the best, Miss Grisam."
"Yes, yes, he does his best, I know."
Coach Rodrigo shook his head.
"No, this is not what I mean. I'm not talking about intentions. He sometimes hides what he knows. Figueira knows a lot. Much more than you imagine. Even Panotti respects him. And it's mutual. Figueira admires Panotti a lot. He regards Panotti as a teacher. But he is on the verge of overcoming his teacher and Panotti knows that. He doesn't."
That hit me as a door on the head. Thinking back, I realize there is no direct interaction between Morales and Panotti and Figueira and it's not that it doesn't happen because they don't go out together. They always practice together anyway. It's Galhardo who handles him in the end.
"Figueira can tear down a building if you tread on his right toe, Miss Grisam. And it's just a question of time to find the exact toe. Sometimes I'm afraid to work with him. I'm afraid of spoiling everything."
"How can you explain he lost so many matches being so good?"
Coach Rodrigo smiled.
"He has allowed himself fall into so many silly traps. Mainly the most stupid, set up by fighters who were naïve, but as combative as him. Then, I was sure this came into play when I saw him look at me with a sorry expression before getting caught in a stupid, foolish headlock at a tournament. He surrendered to the same kid whom he had easily overcome two times before, when he saw his will to fight. After the match, he begged me not to tell anybody anything, I thought how he did it without the referee noticing, how he made it look so real when he practically tucked his head under the opponent's arm. Does it make any sense to you, speaking as a psychologist, that he never gives up wrestling in the match, but surrenders to others' will to fight?"
"I say he hands out prizes around", I said smiling, "it's more or less what I imagined when Zangrandi told me what was going on. I only think it happens to him in a subconscious level."
"Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean he's the greatest. He's lost many matches for not being as good as the opponent, as in the matches he got pinned by Martins, from São Paulo. What holds him here is the fact he's very good. I mean there are tournaments he could have won. Corporal could already have had prizes as a team, but he hangs on to this view, as if he tried to encourage those who are beginning the journey."
"Yes, I know, no matter how good you are, you'll find a limit like everybody else, that you can overcome too, one bright day. So many things, considered impossible one day are today completely possible and usual."
I went home thinking hard about it. My conceptions about them had been turned inside out and back to front. And I don't know why, it left me much lighter.


[5/27/2002 6:54:55 AM..............
"Did you talk to him?", queried Coach Rodrigo when the pratice was over.
We were at the gate of Corporal. Watching the cars in motion along Conselheiro Nébias Avenue and talking. I told him about the talk with the kid. He heard me with attention. He said he had no clear idea what Figueira said during the matches, until he asked Galhardo some time ago. He put the words together with things and events he had seen at tournaments and meets and got the picture. He has had a strange impression from Figueira since then, that the kid was really different, though he still couldn't say how.
"But I must say something in favour of Figueira. He is combative. Very combative. As the other kids here he doesn't surrender to anti-fight, never gives up the fight, never simulates techniques, has never had passivity down in his records."
"Yes, he seems to be a very authentic person."
"Yes, a bit too much sometimes", sighed Coach Rodrigo.
He seemed to want to tell me something. I felt he hesitated to speak. I had an interrogative expression on my face. Ele stared at me, undecided.
"You want to say something, don't you, Rodrigo? It's not difficult to see. What is going on?"
"Figueira... He is one of the best, Miss Grisam."
"Yes, yes, he does his best, I know."
Coach Rodrigo shook his head.
"No, this is not what I mean. I'm not talking about intentions. He sometimes hides what he knows. Figueira knows a lot. Much more than you imagine. Even Panotti respects him. And it's mutual. Figueira admires Panotti a lot. He regards Panotti as a teacher. But he is on the verge of overcoming his teacher and Panotti knows that. He doesn't."
That hit me as a door on the head. Thinking back, I realize there is no direct interaction between Morales and Panotti and Figueira and it's not that it doesn't happen because they don't go out together. They always practice together anyway. It's Galhardo who handles him in the end.
"Figueira can tear down a building if you tread on his right toe, Miss Grisam. And it's just a question of time to find the exact toe. Sometimes I'm afraid to work with him. I'm afraid of spoiling everything."
"How can you explain he lost so many matches being so good?"
Coach Rodrigo smiled.
"He has allowed himself fall into so many silly traps. Mainly the most stupid, set up by fighters who were naïve, but as combative as him. Then, I was sure this came into play when I saw him look at me with a sorry expression before getting caught in a stupid, foolish headlock at a tournament. He surrendered to the same kid whom he had easily overcome two times before, when he saw his will to fight. After the match, he begged me not to tell anybody anything, I thought how he did it without the referee noticing, how he made it look so real when he practically tucked his head under the opponent's arm. Does it make any sense to you, speaking as a psychologist, that he never gives up wrestling in the match, but surrenders to others' will to fight?"
"I say he hands out prizes around", I said smiling, "it's more or less what I imagined when Zangrandi told me what was going on. I only think it happens to him in a subconscious level."
"Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean he's the greatest. He's lost many matches for not being as good as the opponent, as in the matches he got pinned by Martins, from São Paulo. What holds him here is the fact he's very good. I mean there are tournaments he could have won. Corporal could already have had prizes as a team, but he hangs on to this view, as if he tried to encourage those who are beginning the journey."
"Yes, I know, no matter how good you are, you'll find a limit like everybody else, that you can overcome too, one bright day. So many things, considered impossible one day are today completely possible and usual."
I went home thinking hard about it. My conceptions about them had been turned inside out and back to front. And I don't know why, it left me much lighter.


[5/27/2002 6:54:55 AM..............
"Did you talk to him?", queried Coach Rodrigo when the pratice was over.
We were at the gate of Corporal. Watching the cars in motion along Conselheiro Nébias Avenue and talking. I told him about the talk with the kid. He heard me with attention. He said he had no clear idea what Figueira said during the matches, until he asked Galhardo some time ago. He put the words together with things and events he had seen at tournaments and meets and got the picture. He has had a strange impression from Figueira since then, that the kid was really different, though he still couldn't say how.
"But I must say something in favour of Figueira. He is combative. Very combative. As the other kids here he doesn't surrender to anti-fight, never gives up the fight, never simulates techniques, has never had passivity down in his records."
"Yes, he seems to be a very authentic person."
"Yes, a bit too much sometimes", sighed Coach Rodrigo.
He seemed to want to tell me something. I felt he hesitated to speak. I had an interrogative expression on my face. Ele stared at me, undecided.
"You want to say something, don't you, Rodrigo? It's not difficult to see. What is going on?"
"Figueira... He is one of the best, Miss Grisam."
"Yes, yes, he does his best, I know."
Coach Rodrigo shook his head.
"No, this is not what I mean. I'm not talking about intentions. He sometimes hides what he knows. Figueira knows a lot. Much more than you imagine. Even Panotti respects him. And it's mutual. Figueira admires Panotti a lot. He regards Panotti as a teacher. But he is on the verge of overcoming his teacher and Panotti knows that. He doesn't."
That hit me as a door on the head. Thinking back, I realize there is no direct interaction between Morales and Panotti and Figueira and it's not that it doesn't happen because they don't go out together. They always practice together anyway. It's Galhardo who handles him in the end.
"Figueira can tear down a building if you tread on his right toe, Miss Grisam. And it's just a question of time to find the exact toe. Sometimes I'm afraid to work with him. I'm afraid of spoiling everything."
"How can you explain he lost so many matches being so good?"
Coach Rodrigo smiled.
"He has allowed himself fall into so many silly traps. Mainly the most stupid, set up by fighters who were naïve, but as combative as him. Then, I was sure this came into play when I saw him look at me with a sorry expression before getting caught in a stupid, foolish headlock at a tournament. He surrendered to the same kid whom he had easily overcome two times before, when he saw his will to fight. After the match, he begged me not to tell anybody anything, I thought how he did it without the referee noticing, how he made it look so real when he practically tucked his head under the opponent's arm. Does it make any sense to you, speaking as a psychologist, that he never gives up wrestling in the match, but surrenders to others' will to fight?"
"I say he hands out prizes around", I said smiling, "it's more or less what I imagined when Zangrandi told me what was going on. I only think it happens to him in a subconscious level."
"Don't get me wrong, I didn't mean he's the greatest. He's lost many matches for not being as good as the opponent, as in the matches he got pinned by Martins, from São Paulo. What holds him here is the fact he's very good. I mean there are tournaments he could have won. Corporal could already have had prizes as a team, but he hangs on to this view, as if he tried to encourage those who are beginning the journey."
"Yes, I know, no matter how good you are, you'll find a limit like everybody else, that you can overcome too, one bright day. So many things, considered impossible one day are today completely possible and usual."
I went home thinking hard about it. My conceptions about them had been turned inside out and back to front. And I don't know why, it left me much lighter.


[5/29/2002 2:22:03 PM..............
Talking to the kids on the mat. I learned Corporal's calendar for the 2002 wrestling season. It looks long, but I can barely understand these things. Our region's associations will play among themselves in regional tournaments. From these tournaments there would be athletes going for the State Tournament this year.
"At the end of the year?"
"Yep", said Morales, "when everyone is on vacation. It's a three-day event."
"What do you expect for the season?"
The kids exchanged looks. Panotti said the season would be tougher than ever. Figueira said it would be a good season for learning. I told him he could aim farther still, learning and practice of all he would learn. When he could fight the good fight. A fight against himself and his self-denial.
"Something like your teammates, without boasting or denying what you are really worth."
Figueira was silent, weighing my words. Zangrandi said he'd go to the meets and tournaments with a chill in the stomach, but said it was for the thrill of it all.
"But it happens to every one of us", said Morales, "Figueira says it's fear sometimes, but it's not, it's the sheer thrill of it; the closer you come to the mat, the faster your heart beats.
"Of course no one imagines he's going to do so well, nor expects very much, but fear is something we've never had among us, Miss Grisam", hurried Galhardo.
"When it comes to will, I count on everyone. We aren't moving from the fight, I rely on all of us.", agreed Panotti. I was looking at that as a colective defense of cause happening in front of me and a glimpse hit me of how an embryo of colective pride started forming, as shy as undeniable in what they intended to call a team. And, for a moment, I could smile, even if the kids didn't understand the reason why and even thought I didn't believe their newly found profession of faith. I kept the moment with me, because I knew pretty soon I was going to need it. This moment, though remote in the vastness everything in life is, is personal, untransferable, it's only ours and might well be the beginning of our preparation for anything, come hell or high water.

[5/31/2002 1:52:30 AM..............
At home after yesterday's Corpus Christi holiday. Still in my memory the carpets of sawdust and flowers as tapestry covering the streets of small towns in the country, shown on TV news shows, as every year. Beauty that was trodden by the faithful, turned into chaos.
Turned TV off. Opened Yahoo mail and found 3 unread messages. Two were part of my autoresponder's daily digest, that sometimes surprises me pleasantly and the other was...
Figueira's???
How come he found my e-mail address?
Opened. Two links and two or three paragraphs written by him:

10 top reasons why I wrestle: #10 Absolutely love to administer pain and punishment. #9 Only sport to recognize the fine art of face-squashing. #8 Singlets highlight my positive features. #7 Only pre-requisite is guts. #6 Have to release that ol' butt-kicking feeling anyway. #5 Love to hear my opponent scream for their mommy. #4 Power and speed are just part of the job. #3 If necessary, can use a gut-wrench technique to win an argument. #2 Three words: "EAT MY BOOTS". #1 What else would I do? Play basketball?


He wrote: "I only couldn't understand the eighth. The rest my uncle translated for me."
Well, I'm not explaining. Poetry, jokes and foolishness are three things I never explain.

Another text. One of these two that are wrestling T-shirt prints at Summit Sports:

Wrestler: n. Any person who possesses the guts and power to force his or her opponent's body into the shape of a pretzel and then gently pin them into a soft mat where their mommy can tuck them ever-so-gently into bed.


He wrote: "I'm not alone in the long run. At least I'll try to change. At least I will."

I opened a new window and came to the Book. Opened the hit counter and beside the IP a Google search URL with my full name in the text box. He found me. Search. Sooner or later.
I turned the comp off and went to Figueira's, since his telephone line was engaged. This nosy kid has been to my log.
I didn't enter his building, said I'd wait in front of it, I wouldn't take long there. He got down with a shadow on his face, what kind of shocked me. I had had a reading of sarcasm from his e-mail that crumbled to the ground as I saw his face coming out of the entrance hall. His look was the one of those who cry for help.
"I can tell you've already opened your e-mails today", he said, eyes between mine and the protective floor.
"I don't want you to enter my log. If you really want to read, ask your parents to do it first, if they judge you can read it, it's alright with me."
"Who is that padlock that appears when I leave the log?"
"I don't know. Only know the man who photographed the padlock."

[6/1/2002 8:48:43 PM..............
"Mr. Costa asked me to ask you what time we should drop by your house tomorrow.", said Panotti.
"Why drop by???"
I was stunned. Why would they come to my house on a Sunday? The kids were exchanging looks, as stunned as me. Morales asked me if I had forgotten the calendar. Told me to take a look at it often.
"It's a meet at eight a.m. at Rebouças Gym at Ponta da Praia. Us and Cobras. It's friendly but there prizes of course" and he looked at Figueira for some time. Figueira looked him in the eye for the same period of time. I see his original problem is not only Galhardo.
"Pick me up when it suits you best. Are you ready for the games?"
"We have to. It doesn't matter if we are ready or not", said Zangrandi.
"This is not our first season", said Figueira, interrupting what Panotti was going to say. Panotti could only agree because this was what he was going to say. Galhardo asked me if I had already watched a competition. Said I hadn't. He laughed.
"You'll have some tough, some funny times if you stick around", he said, giving me a wink.